Change is hard, often scary and can make you feel sad. What I personally find beautiful about these feelings is they're indications of what we've prayed for.
I use the word pray gently here.
I'm talking about yearning for something to be different. Knowing change is coming and excitement about what it's going to be. Frustrations with what is and craving for something different. Uncertainty but longing for a new way.
Challenges, fear, sadness and grief are inevitable, unless you were "raised in a culture of low risk aversion or high tolerance for uncertainty...." Avoiding uncertaintyisn't about avoiding risk by the way, "it has to do with anxiety and distrust in the face of the unknown, and conversely, with a wish to have fixed habits and rituals, and to know the truth." (Boyatzis and Hofstede, myemphasis)
A few years ago I spoke to a group of professionals with a high rate of burnout on how to create rituals and practices that not only take care of you during burnout, but lift you up to see the larger picture of your life so you can make tiny adjustments towards one that feels rich, meaningful and fulfilling.
Tiny adjustments lead to change, and so does not making them.
Change is inevitable. Even if you didn't pray for it. Nature teaches us this undeniable truth. The paradox of wanting something to be different and also wanting to avoid uncertainty is real though.
So what do you do?
Stay where you are in an effort to maintain a level of certainty, or, embrace the uncertainty and take steps forward?
In my opinion, both kinda suck. Both are sure bets for discomfort. I'm not a therapist, just a person with a higher than average threshold for change:
Left home in high school to go to school in another state.
Moved to cities I'd never been and had no ties to culturally or otherwise.
Quit jobs to pursue passions without savings or people to ask for help when I needed it.
Sold everything to live on the road.
Started a business with no money or back up plan.
Started art school at 43 with zero background in art.
Despite having a successful business, currently changing how it works.
These are just a few changes I've catalyzed on purpose, and they may not seem like big deals but they are because they were scary, offered no certainty, and have opened doors to more unknown.
This is not about why I'm cool for doing risky things, but rather an offering to consider the change you are yearning for and what it will take for you to take the first step.
My tolerance for risk has evolved, but my yearning for change has not.
Do you know your tolerance for risk these days? Has it changed over time? How about your tolerance for uncertainty?
Is there a courageous step you want to take but are holding back? Why are you holding back? What do you need to know, learn, figure out to take the first step?
I have a client who is one of the most courageous, fuck-it-I'll-figure-it-out people I know (I love this about them), and I've been coaching them through a very nuanced change that impacts way more people than just them.
This indicates a big evolution to their threshold for change.
What is your threshold for change right now?
Matt and I are currently navigating decisions around changes we yearn for individually and as a couple. In the old days, I'd say "fuck it, let's do it!" These days, having much higher levels of responsibility, we feel the pain of the push and pull.
For me, this is an evolution — moving more cautiously than ever before with a hyper-discerning eye on what needs to be sorted and figured out before we can do the things we want to do. I like to think of it as maturing. :)
My biggest fear has always been getting stuck in sad, unfulfilling situations. It's triggered very real anxiety and very real lows over the years. This fear protects me from not making any change when it would be "easiest" not to, giving me the push to keep going.
What about you?
How are you maturing?
What is your biggest fear?
What change are you yearning for?
What's your tolerance these days for risk and uncertainty?
I hope to see you at one or all of my gatherings this year. You will gain some clarity for sure, maybe a lot. You'll likely experience fear, grief and delightful surprises too, which I can support you through in very real ways.
If we've never worked together, use code CATALYST for a little discount. If we have, use the easy, breezy link in my email from earlier this week. If you can't find a time that works for you, reach out.
I can't wait to talk to you, Reader!
p.s. Fun fact, I'm in my 2nd semester of art school and had an artwork selected for a little show next month. It was my second assignment last semester and first time ever drawing in this way. I literally picked up a pencil for the first time in 2023. I'm experiencing surprises in real time, discovering a hidden talent, and have no clue where this is going.
