A story, a curiosity, an invite
You may know that a couple years ago I drove to the California desert for a 10-day Vipassana retreat. When I learned about it, I barely researched what to pack, let alone what to expect — I just knew I had to go. For months I wanted someone to "teach me how to turn my brain off" — so that's what I went to learn.
In the lead up to going, all I could do was put one heavy foot in front of the other. It felt like an eternity. I so badly wanted to just pack my shit and go but had to wait six agonizing months.
Somewhere between deciding to go and returning home, I had a couple pretty dark breakdowns. Not darker or harder than those I'd had the year before, but hard AF. What a time what a time.
I wish I could tell you everything felt easier after the retreat, but the truth is, it was hard...for another two years. However, days 8-10 of the retreat + the 5 after were a total dream. 😌
Since last year, Matt and I have talked a lot about the need for freedom and movement in our lives, work and home. Our recovery from going going going as full-time travelers inverted into inertia in a way.
I've contemplated ad nauseam what this means for me — bumping up against my own bullshit. Perpetuating my hangups. Trapping myself in thought loops. Worrying the same worries.
You can lead a horse to water...
Something clicked for me recently though. On a micro level, the mundanity of my daily life has historically been tied to my joy and freedom in community.
Not just "out there in community" chopping it up but deeply in community with people who I can cry, chop it up, creatively solve challenges and evolve with.
People who see me and allow me to see them.
People who think about life and change and death and spirit and time and abundance and fear and nature and all the things in abstract, subversive ways.
You know when you realize something you decided is now making sense? Like past you was guided by current you? That's what's been happening to me for the past 6 weeks.
It's like a dot connects and creates a little spark. Then another and another. It hasn't been big kaboom clarity, but sparks of it over and over again that have me now feeling like this guy 😳.
Here's what I know.
The impermanence of all things is our greatest source of power.
Vipassana teaches the roots of our suffering are in attachment and avoidance.
When something shitty is happening, we push it away. When something great is happening, we cling to it. For better or worse, everything is temporary and the sooner we release our attachment or avoidance the sooner we will be free.
Here's what else I know — clarity does not come from thinking.
My teachers Octavia, Tracee and Dr. Chanti have taught me the power of rest. Not the kind that has to do with nighttime sleep, vacations or vegging on the couch (all are great!).
Rather, the kind that heals heartbreak and anxiety. Bone deep, soul deep rest. Active, intentional rest on a mundane, micro level that leads to kaboom clarity.
Here's what I'm curious about.
If I move forward with what I know I know I know, and let go of everything else that now feels like lies or old truths, how soon will I experience the hydration my horse has been wandering in the desert desperate for?
We shall see. 😌
Here's an invitation.
On Wednesday, June 25th I'm hosting a special gathering for The Culture Club. I'd planned this gathering to be for The Culture Club Founders only.
Something's been nagging at me though — I was born to bring people together. "What if someone needs a gentle entry to feel safe joining me/us in community?"
I'd love for you to come on the 25th. Register here for a small fee.
If you want to continue in community, you will have the opportunity to join The Culture Club as a Founder at the price everyone else paid weeks ago. Heads up, you'll have to decide quickly because our first Founder's gathering is on the 27th.
Come and enjoy, whatever you decide.
Founders, share with a loved one if you'd like. 💕
Happy Sunday...
Love,
Annie
p.s. Here's what I'm listening to right now (literally).
Here's a quick self portrait from yesterday.
Here are my upcoming events.
Here are links of interest.